Thursday, July 13, 2006

world records and minnows.......

what's with Sri Lanka? they look like a bunch of bullies who enjoy scoring copious amounts of runs against weaker teams. before that magnificent game between south africa and australia, sri lanka were the holders of the world record, 398 for something against kenya, in a 1996 world cup game. that was broken in an earth shattering way by Graeme Smith's boys on march 12th, 2006. and now i read one day that sri lanka over haul that score against none other than...........hold your breath!!!!...........here it comes..........netherlands!!!!. all this record is worth is a one sided page in the record books. there was no press coverage, no television coverage, no crowd present. for all i care, this made as much impression as tickling a rhinoceros.

while we are at it about sri lanka, i might as well tell u that i hate sri lanka with all my passion and venom. they're just a bunch of no good losers. yeah well............people argue they're invincible at home and yaddayaddayadda...........but wait, did u look at their overseas record?? its worse than bad, its infact worse than worse. before a freak of nature enabled them to beat england, they got their asses kicked by just about every country they visited except for , bangladesh and zimbabwe, who wouldnt put a scare even into a bunch of pig-tailed schoolgirls.


even during the 2004 champions trophy, Captain Atapattu was cock-a-hoop, "we play good cricket off recently, batsmen are in good form......so is jayasuriya, and bowlers" if this didnt already have me rolling on the ground, i was choking with pleasure when Freddie Flintoff, that lovable english caveman cricketer, blasted them into high heavens and back to Sri Lanka. and then, we have the smiling assassin, muralidaran. this is how his rcent interviews go. "ya i feel i'm in good form etc etc etc. the ppl in the west dont know how it is to come up like me. they dont know how it is to undergo hardships like me..........etc etc etc" i mean, mate.........get a life. and get ur facts right. Australia is somewhere down south, not the west.

i have huge respect for the west indian team. but look at them closely.....a few players, (read dwayne bravo) seem to suggest that human evolution hit the disc brakes in the caribbean. they look startlingly similar to our exalted butt scratching forebearers.

Sachin Tendulkar's back in form.....(YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAWWWWN!!!!)

some idiot was foolish enough to suggest to me the other day that James Bond could be a modern "krishna avtar"..........no offence, my lord.........but WTF?????

my sympathies are with the victims and the relatives of the victims of the mumbai train blasts. but the newspapers apparently had a field day. they were acting like excited school girls in the presence of Abhishek Bacchan. they're just proud that india has its very own "7/11" now. is there no limit to these reporters and their ideas of sensationalism?

anyway, i'll sign off now...............'til next time, take care, have fun.....bye

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

The Man..........007

so here we are again. there's been so much talk about how Daniel Craig doesnt look like James Bond at all. Who on earth knows how James Bond looks like? how can anyone possibly say James Bond looks like this or that? there've been five different actors who've played James bond so far, and i can safely say that no two actors bear even a remote resemblance to each other. When he first created James Bond, Ian Fleming paid an artist to sketch James Bond as he saw it. If u notice closely, with a similar haircut, Daniel Craig will look exactly like this. So for all u Anti-Craig ppl out there, here's BALLS TO YOU!!!!!


thats enough passion for one day. let me now get down to the cold impersonal job of talking about the various avtars of the master spy.


Ian Fleming first introduced James Bond to the world when he released his first novel, 'Casino Royale'. he's written 13 books since, all of whom share their titles with various James Bond movies. basically, James Bond is an intense, brooding soul. he is a killer to the core. but he's a killer with a difference. he doesnt like killing in cold blood, that is, he hesitates killing an unarmed opponent. but he would if he was required to in the line of duty. he does after all carry the "License to Kill". now let me elaborate a little on that point. people generally mistake his number to be "Zero zero Seven". infact, it is "Double O Seven". the "Double Oh" prefix indicates the Licence to kill. to earn his double O stripes, an agent has tokill two specified targets in cold blood. each of the two O's on double O stands for one killing. thats how u earn ur elite double O status. So, in essence, James Bond was a spy. a natural killer.

James Bond had a tragic love life. The first ever girl he falls in love with, Vesper Lynd (Casino Royale) already has a lover. moreover, she turns out to be a traitor and ends up by taking her own life. the second time our 007 falls in love with is Teresa 'Tracy' Vincenzo, the daughter of the head of the notorious 'Unione Corsa', an organization similar to the Equally Notorious 'La Cosa Nostra' or the Mafia. he was called Marc Ange Draco. so Bond gets married to Tracy, but tragically, an hour after the wedding, she gets killed by James Bond's Sworn enemy, Ernst Stavro Blofeld. there were defintely other women, but none with whom 007 was so emotionally involved. James Bond Became so popular with the readers the world over that two gentlemen, by the names Albert R. Broccoli and Henry Saltzman decided to make this into a series. so they started out with Dr.No, starring Sean Connery as Ian Fleming's James Bond 007.



The character has since been reprised by four other actors after Sean Connery. each actor has brought his own "x factor" to the role.

Sean Connery

Sean Connery was the first ever actor to play the famed spy on the screen. infact, many people still call him the best ever James Bond, though i suspect thats only so because he is the first. Connery's James Bond is awesome. he's got a pompous style. he's got the charisma, the masculinity. but he does come across at times as a little crude, which is not surprising, considering the fact that Dr.No was his first ever major acting assignment. so for the fact that Sean's the first ever James Bond, and also that he's really good at it, i would give him a 4 out of 5. Sean Connery has acted as James Bond in six James Bond movies, Dr.No(1962), From Russia With Love(1963), Goldfinger(1964), Thunderball(1965), You Only Live Twice(1967) and Diamonds are forever(1971). For the first five movies, he was the automatic choice as James Bond.but after You only Live twice, he had a disagreement with the producers, he quit the role. But he was soon persuaded to reprise the role for one disastrous last time in Diamonds Are Forever, which stands right up there as one of the worst James Bond movies ever. He also reprised the role in the 1983 unofficial James Bond movie, Never Say Never Again, produced by Kevin MClory.


George Lazenby

When Sean Connery had a disagreement with the producers, he quit the role, which was handed over to little known Australian Model, George Lazenby. this was done resulting in huge public outcry. George Lazenby was James Bond in 1969's On Her Majesty's Secret Service. while the movie is well liked and respected as one of the best James Bond movies ever, George Lazenby could never really make a mark as 007. there are several reasons attributed to his failure as James Bond. firstly, George Lazenby's bond was extremely wooden, as Lazenby was not one gifted with a wide range of acting ability. he was also expressionless for most of the time. Secondly, George Lazenby took over the role to major public outcry, as Sean Connery was indeed very popular as 007 and the public could never really adjust to the fact that anyone else could be James Bond. Thirdly, George Lazenby was termed as being very "difficult" on the sets. all these eventually led to him being sacked as 007. On Her Majesty's Secret Service, as a James Bond movie is widely respected as being one of the best 007 movies ever. it is also famous as being the only James Bond movie in which James Bond gets married. all in all, i would rate George Lazenby a 2.5 out of 5. George Lazenby was James Bond in the one movie, On Her Majesty's Secret Service(1969).


Roger Moore


Roger Moore Took over the role from Sean Connery after the disaster that was Diamonds Are Forever. The series reached an all time low during the Moore Era. James Bond steadily went from bad to worse. Roger Moore's James Bond was anything but serious. he was cheesy, tongue in cheek,. there was the positive side to it as well, that being his undeniable charm, and wit. but thats it. Roger Moore's James Bond was self parodying. it was almost like Moore hated the character and was taking out his frustrations thus. Roger Moore holds the record for playing James Bond in the most number of movies, 7. but this becomes meaningless when one looks at the quality of the movies. they were,to put it mildly, works of extreme crass. they were immature. Roger Moore's James Bond never had that hard edge to him. he could never be taken seriously. like i meantioned earlier, it was like a James Bond spoof rather than James Bond himself. Roger Moore can be credited with having almost made the James Bond Series extinct. for this, i would rate Roger Moore a miserable 2 out of 5. Roger Moore played James Bond in seven movies, all save one qualifying for varying degrees of idiocy. Live and Let die(1973), The Man With the Golden Gun(1974), The Spy Who Loved Me(1977), Moonraker(1979), For You Eyes Only(1981), Octopussy(1983) and A View To A Kill(1985) . i will always hold a special place for The Spy Who Loved Me as it was my first ever 007 movie. i remember watching that movie at the age of 7 and falling in love with the character instantly. it is also the best Roger Moore 007 movie b a long distance. there's no saying which one is the worst roger Moore 007 movie as all the rest are equally bad. but Octopussy has to take the cake . if ever u wanna watch a James Bond parody, watch Octopussy instead of an Austin Powers movie. Austin Powers would seem like a thoughtful, intelligent movie next to this one.


Timothy Dalton

Timothy Dalton is widely respected as being the man that rescued the character from the gloomy depths os the Roger Moore era. Timothy Dalton breathed fresh air into the series. Timothy Dalton's James Bond is often referred to as the "most dangerous bond". his characterisation is the closest to Ian Fleming's James Bond. indeed, his character in Licence to kill was so dark that it was thought to be too violent for a James Bond movie. but the fact still stands, he played a James Bond that was closest in resemblance to the character originally envisioned by Ian Fleming. Timothy Dalton brought a ruthlessness to the role. he finally made James Bond look like he could kill. also, unlike the earlier James Bond movies, his movies didnt get their plots marred by girls. in the earlier movies, well...most of them anyway, girls were introduced only to remind people of the fact that women find James Bond irresistable. but in Dalton's movies, the bond girls are only there because they are absoultely necessary to the movie. infact, people got so used to the earlier portrayals of 007 that they were unable to digest this particular portrayal. they wanted to see the witty, charming, womanising spy, who seemed to do everything under the sun but spy. this is not to say that Dalton's bond wasnt charming or witty. Timothy Dalton was very charming, and witty at times. but there also was a visible dangerous edge to him. for all this and the rescue act, i would rate dalton a very commendable 4 out of 5. Timothy Dalton Played James Bond in only two movies, The Living Daylights(1987) and Licence To Kill(1989). unfortunately, after 1989, the producers were caught up in a long court battle, that put 007 production on halt for six years. by that time Timothy Dalton decided sensibly that he was too old for the role and retired. who knows, given the time, he could've made another 3 movies and made the role his own, giving it his own signature. but he certainly did a fine job in the two movies he made.




Pierce Brosnan


Pierce Brosnan can easily be called the best actor to play James Bond so far. he had the style, elegance of Sean Connery, the charm and wit of Roger Moore and the ruthlessness of Timothy Dalton. thank goodness he didnt get the woodenness of Lazenby. he was actually slated to take the role upp in 1986. but he had to back out due to contractual obligations to the then popular TV Show, Remington Steele. infact it was this very show that made Brosnan very popular and put him in running for the role. so then the role was offered to Timothy Dalton. finally when Dalton retired in 1994, the obvious, automatic and popular choice, Pierce Brosnan took over. the Brosnan Era has been the most successful era financially, though a couple of his movies left a lot to be desired. Goldeneye was easily one of the best James Bond movies of all time. if there is something that the Brosnan era has to be blamed for, it is for the fact that the movies made a dramatic departure from the true essence of James Bond. but that is not faulting Brosnan's performance. he shone through the abysmal scripts he was given. his movies though relied a lot on special effects, gadgets and CGI. The World is Not Enough was a slightly better movie than its predecessor. Die Another Day, though commercially the most successful bond film ever made, seemed more like a Sci Fi movie than a 007 movie. it was a piece of trash. and Brosnan was beginning to show signs of being on the wrong side of 50. though Pierce Brosnan was so popular as James Bond, the way he was shown the door has left a sour taste in the mouth. he definitely deserved more respect and honour. Pierce Brosnan will always be remembered as one of the Best James Bond actors ever. for this i rate him a 4.2 out of 5. he played James Bond in four movies, Goldeneye(1995), Tomorrow Never Dies(1997), The World Is Not Enough(1999) and Die Another Day(2002). his reign as James BOnd only came to an end when the producers decided enough was enough and decided to reboot the series and cast a younger actor, who turned out to be Daniel Craig.



Daniel Craig

Pierce Brosnan's rule at the helm came to an abrupt end when the producers wanted 007 to be darker, grittier and more realistic. not that Brosnan couldnt have been all of those things, but they also wanted a younger actor. so to huge public outcry to match the one when sean cionnery quit, he was replaced by Daniel Craig, one of Britain's finest actors. The thing with all of the previous actors succeeding Sean Connery was, while Connery set the tempo for James Bond on screen, the other actors have, in one way or the other, tried to emulate Connery. The haven't really brought their own signature to the role. Timothy Dalton was perhaps the first actor to be different, but even he fell into the trap as the movie wore on.Daniel Craig is different. In fact, he took a huge gamble, and it paid off beautifully. Craig is a perfect mix of the best qualities of two of the best Bond actors. He's got the confidence, the arrogant swagger, the masculinity of Sean Connery, the intensity, the ruthlessness of Timothy Dalton. He's the perfect James Bond, just as Ian Fleming envisioned him. and man...Craig has done a brilliant job. we can literally feel Craig changing from an inexperienced, raw agent to a semblence of the smooth, confident James Bond we've become accustomed to seeing. There's a scene, where, after Vesper Lynd dies, we can see the expression slowly changing on Craig's face. he's finally shutting down all emotions. my personal favorite is the scene towards the end, we see THE James Bond, uttering the iconic, "The name's Bond...James Bond." I'll say this, James Bond was created solely for Daniel Craig. Truly masterful performance. For this, I'd rate him a 5.0 on 5






thats all for now. i know this has been a little long. so i promise u my next post wont be this long. until next time, Ciao












Monday, July 10, 2006

How to clean your toilet the fun way

this is not my own work. i borrowed it from www.bawandinesh.net

Instructions on how to clean your toilet :

  1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

  2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

  3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

  4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

  5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".

  6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

  7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

  8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

  9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely,
The Dog

of girls, guns and gadgets......

Funny how things turn out. when James Bond started out onscreen in 1963, he was just a spy. he had only one bond girl and no gadgets whatsoever. infact, he had no gadgets in the next movie. and his body count when it comes to bond girls was a paltry 2, from both movies. infact, James Bond never had more than one girl till the 14th James Bond movie, A View To a Kill, where, a painfully old looking Roger Moore, 58, was sporting two girls young enough to be his daughters by his side. then with that, Roger Moore bid adieu too the role and Timothy Dalton stepped in, and he did a fine job as James Bond, though not very successful. Timothy Dalton(left) is my favorite actor to play James Bond thus far. and Roger Moore would be my least favorite actor. after Licence To Kill was released in 1989, there was a long gap of 6 years. Timothy Dalton decided by then that he was too old, and retired from the role. then, the popular choice for the role, Pierce Brosnan Stepped in, and boy!! did he do a fine job with his role or what. Pierce Brosnan's movies are criticized by most people as being too fantastic and relying too much on special effects and gadgets. but they fail to realize that he had no choice. he was given the script and told to act it out. with the brosnan era, there were two regular Bond girls, one of whom, more often than not, would turn out to be a bad seed. in Goldeneye, Xenia Onatopp, played by Famke Janssen turned out to be a traitor. in The World Is Not Enough it was the turn of Elektra King, played by Sophie Marceau(right), who in my opinion is the most stunning woman to grace the 007 screen. and then, in one of the campiest 007 movies, Miranda Frost, played by Rosamund Pike, turned sour.





one thing that remained constant right from the first movie to the twentieth movie has to be James Bond's trusted little friend, his gun. a Walther PPK. Cute li'l thing really. judge for urself. but the gadgets, they just got crazier and more fantastic. right from a jetpack to an invisible car, James Bond has seen it all. good thing that the producers have denied entry to any gadgets in the upcoming film, Casino Royale. so now James Bond has to rely on his wits, instincts and himself to get out of any tight situation. and here's my prediction, Daniel Craig is gonna rock in this role. He's gonna make the best James Bond there ever was.



in my next post, i'm gonna talk about the man himself, James Bond. i'll be comparing the onscreen character to the literary character. and also on how the onscreen character has changed through 5 actors. until then, cheerio.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

The Beginning........

Most ppl will want to believe they're having a bad nightmare when they have their first look at Daniel Craig, the latest actor to don the 007 persona. I was one of them too. i was experiencing all kinds of emotions ever since i came to know that Pierce Brosnan had been fired as 007. First Disbelief, then anger, and gradually.....resignation. i finally made myself look forward to seeing a new, fresh faced 007. i was following the "Hunt for 007" eagerly for months. All kinds of names were being bandied about. Goran Visnjic, Ewan McGregor, Hugh Jackman, James Purefoy and Clive Owen being the most celebrated amongst them.

Then, one fine day in october, it was announced that the new oo7 would be unveiled the coming friday, and as you might expect, i was on cloud nine. and then, finally, agonisingly slowly, the moment had come. and what i got wasnt certainly what i wanted, though it indeed was something i was dreading. The Website, www.mi6.co.uk, flashed these words, these very words...."Daniel Craig is James Bond 007". i madly wanted to break something. i joined the army of anti-craig-brosnan-for bond fans. but slowly, i began to realize something. Craig must be having something in him, that x factor, to have attracted the attention of the producers of the bond frachise. By then, i began to accept Daniel Craig. infact, i was forcing myself to like him, as , he was 007, like it or not. and to be frank, he didnt look half as bad when i saw him in a video. Then, the turning point came when i watched one of Daniel Craig's movies. Layer Cake. His performance in the movie floored me. Craig was nothing short of brilliant in that movie. Then i began to see light at the end of the tunnel. i finally saw what the producers were trying to do. of late, in the Brosnan era, the 007 movies started moving away from the essence of 007. the saturation point was with Die Another Day, which while being one of the worst 007 movies ever, was also ironically, the most successful financially. It was a work of extreme foolishness. It was more like a sci fi movie than a spy thriller that a 007 movie is supposed to be. also, the movies gave 007 an image. the image of a gentleman, suave charming, handsome, playboy secret agent. but Ian Fleming, the man who made 007, did not envision James Bond like that.

In his first ever James Bond novel, Casino Royale, he describes 007 as something of a Hoagy Carmichael (see left) who was not, as u can see, all that good looking. so all this nonsense about Daniel Craig not being good looking is plain hogwash. and then, the literary 007 was a hard, gritty, dangerous spy. the closest an actor ever came to portraying the true 007 was Timothy Dalton in his brief stint as the super spy. and this is time to make a note that Timothy dalton was not very successful as 007. the fact is, people want to see 007 as portrayed by brosnan. so all that will come to an end with the 2006 21st James Bond movie, Casino Royale. the producers are taking the series back to its roots. this is going to be a reboot, that is to say, the movie will be set in 2006, but James Bond is just beginning his espionage career. he is a little clumsy, learning his ropes. he's just earned his 007 stripes. this is gonna be a fresh 007 series from here on, Daniel Craig being what Sean Connery is to the on screen James bond. if anyone still doubts me, is suggest u visit this website http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/casinoroyale/site/, and check out the teaser trailer for the new james bond movie. believe me, i have this feeling that craig will make the best 007 yet. in the trailer, he does remind me of 007 as ian fleming wanted him to be, not the 007 that we are used to. so people, be prepared for a jolt, a surprising pleasnat shock as the new James Bond arrives this December 15th in india. on that cheerful note, until that time when i wanna bore u guys to tears again, Ciao